there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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