My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
