if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
