you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
