i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
