Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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