i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
