but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
