The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
