i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
