I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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