Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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