So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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