That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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