bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
