So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
