batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
