I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
