Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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