i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
