i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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