Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
