Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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