Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
