My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
