The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
