redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
