I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mom said you looked used
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
