so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
