I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
