i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
