I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
