you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
