how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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