At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
