doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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