but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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