Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
