i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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