He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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