Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's get the cat blown out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
