I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I sprained my soul last night
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If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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