You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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