The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
