My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
