you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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