I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
