I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
