then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i love accidental penises.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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