I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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