Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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