im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
