I smell stomach acid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
