I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A+ Viking dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
