Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
