No stitches, just platelets and will power
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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