I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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