Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
