I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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