i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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