ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
