Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
