Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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