My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
