She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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