I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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