Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
