There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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