My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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