2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
