how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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