omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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