just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
