Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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