she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
