I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
