I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
