I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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