I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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