I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…