So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.