i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
